Monday, December 31, 2012

Old Lane's Eye

I can't speak for all teachers, but as a teacher I don't think of a year as January through December, I think of it as August through May/June.  So when I look back at 2012, it's weird that I was in such a different place in January.  I wasn't even thinking about leaving my current school to teach elsewhere, in fact I was planning out my schedule for "next year" and making sure I archived every homework assignment, test, or quiz that I created so I'd have it to use again: no fuss, no muss.  In January I was prepping a hundred ill-prepared voice students to sing solos and ensembles at ISSMA, I was still teaching about 15 private students after school, and I was still playing in Carmel Symphony full time.  Then everything changed in May and a new chapter of my life began.  I have had a wonderful year- I can't really think of any low-lights except having to say goodbye to all of my friends and colleagues at my last school, and that was all for the best.  Here are some highlights from this year, in no particular order:

  • I take orchestra to organizational ISSMA for the first time and got a Gold with distinction
  • The Super Bowl is held in Indianapolis 
  • I am hired at a school at which I truly wanted to work 
  • I get my first significant pay raise
  • I celebrate my 2-year wedding anniversary with my best friend
  • I make fudge for the first time and it turns out great
  • I plant a garden on the side of the house
  • I get a smart phone
  • I take a group of students to All Region Orchestra for the first time
  • I start blogging
  • I teach my own class of beginning strings for the first time
  • I am hired as a wedding manager for the first time
  • Glenda Ritz is elected Superintendent of Schools in Indiana, thus giving Tony Bennett the boot
  • IU basketball finishes the best season they've had in years and starts the next season ranked #1
  • The Colts get Andrew Luck as their new quarter back 
  • I turn 25 and my dad turns 50 (yikes!)
  • Aaron builds a stone patio with a fire pit off the back of the house
  • Aaron puts in hardwood floors
  • I lose 40 lbs
  • We get closer to our small group and study the New Testament every Monday night
  • Our puppy, Shelby, turns 1 year old- 7 in dog years
Every Christmas I watch It's A Wonderful Life.  This year our whole family watched it on Christmas Eve.  I find it fascinating that I can have watched this movie over 50 times yet I'm captivated each viewing.  I can quote pretty much the whole movie line by line, except some of the lines are in my head as I learned them when I was ten.  For an embarrassingly long time I thought "Auld Lang Syne" was "Old Lane's Eye" and I didn't understand that the strings around Uncle Billy's fingers were supposed to serve as reminders for things- I thought it was just something cooky that old Uncle Billy did.  I understood the moral of the story; Clarence did an excellent job at illustrating how much George effected everyone's lives in Bedford Falls.  But I thought when Harry referred to George as "the richest man in town" it was because everyone had just given him all their money.  I've always had a secret fantasy of Clarence coming to show me what life would be like if I weren't born, but then I have a fear that nothing would be different and he would be like, "What was the point of this again?  I got some Tom Sawyer to read..."  I've never been a New Year's Resolution kind of person, but this year I am definitely going to continue working on putting others needs first.  Maybe then everyone will give me all their money and I'll be the richest woman in town...

For Old Lane's eye, my dear
for Old Lane's eye
We'll take of cup of time uh yep
for Old Lane's eye

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Feedback

Holiday concert update:

Pros:

1. It's over
2. Every single member of my music department was there and played a significant role
3. My principal was there and raved about it's success on the next morning's announcements
4. I had only 4 kids out of 115 not participate. 2 actually showed up- 1 was out of uniform so he wasn't allowed on stage, 1 was without a cello so he wasn't allowed on stage. 1 girl told me ahead of time, albeit earlier that day, that she wouldn't be there because her family didn't celebrate Christmas and her dad wouldn't let her perform (couldn't tell me that ahead of time???) So only 1 no-show without notice.
5. We performed a full orchestra piece in the 8th grade and it sounded good
6. The Honor's Orchestra learned their carols well and played in the lobby
7. Nothing fell apart, musically speaking (a cello did fall apart, see Cons)
8. I had 3 wonderful high school students come help tune and direct kids- I brought them baked goods the next day.
9. No one died
10. Everyone got picked up on time

Cons:

1. I'm exhausted but can't sleep
2. My principal had to pull some students out of the audience for talking during the 8th grade performances
3. The big combined 7th/8th grade number that we rehearsed really well and that sounded great earlier in the day was really bad- almost the entire back of the orchestra was off by a measure or maybe 2, who knows?
4. Unenthusiastic crowd- makes it seem like nothing sounded good or maybe just not as good as they were expecting?
5. My 7th grade was not good
6. My Honor's Orchestra did really well given they could barely hold their piece together a week before the concert, but they didn't sound great which isn't great advertising for Honor's Orchestra
7. My kids don't practice and they're lazy
8. My kids don't respect their instruments- I returned to my cello rack to find over half the bows still tight, the instruments put back all crooked an every which way, and one cello missing a bridge with a big fat gouge under the tailpiece.
9. There was music left all over the stage that we, the staff, had to clean up
10. There were two basses and 3 bows left on stage
11. No parents approached me and said "Great concert" or anything
12. My kids said I talked too much and their parents said I talked too much.  I didn't talk too much!  I hardly talked at all!

I need some honest feedback!  (Do I?)  I do!  It is making me crazy- I know what my kids and I went through to get to the concert and what we learned and what we will do better next time.  I heard the recording.  But I just haven't heard a musician-outsider's thorough opinion!  It's frustrating because when no one goes into detail about my performances, it makes me paranoid that they just don't want to say anything negative.  Like, so far all anyone has said is, "It was good!  You know, there were some rough spots, but over all it was pretty good."  That is not feedback, people!  I need details!  What was good?  What was rough?  What about it was good, what about it was rough?  The most annoying part about all of this is that I know the answer to these questions and can go into great detail and explanation about them.  I just want someone to talk to me about it, but no one will.  And frankly I don't have many people whose opinions I trust enough to truly discuss with my concert in depth.  And since I already know how the concert went and since everyone I've asked has already told me how things sounded, why do I still need feedback?  Is it feedback or validation that I need?  I don't even know.  I'm so tired...

I just know my friends and family are going to roll their eyes at me and tell me to calm down, I'm being high maintenance and caring about the wrong things.  I know I know I know- didn't you all hear me say I know?  I'm a crazy person.  But you know out of all the space in my brain that is being taken by thinking about this concert, 90% of the space is occupied by items in the Cons list and the tiny 10% of Pros are smushed to the back of my brain, rendered unimportant because no one has told them to me over and over and over...  Seriously, what is up with  my need for validation?  I'm so tired...

Social Symphony

Last weekend I returned to play in the local symphony for the Holiday (CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS) concert.  I hadn't performed with the group since the summer because since I started my new job, I've had conflicts with every concert and/or dress rehearsal until now.  I didn't realize how much I missed it until I showed up at the first rehearsal and all my colleagues greeted me with surprised, genuine smiles and comments like, "You're back!" and "Well look what the cat dragged in..." and "We missed you!" and "I almost didn't recognize you with your hair down!"  I call my fellow musicians "colleagues" not "friends" because, well, they're not my friends, but they greeted me like the Prodigal's Son.  They made me feel like family and I interacted with them as if we had recently met for lunch and had long, meaningful conversations. We caught each other up on our lives during each 15 minute rehearsal break with quick sentences centered around jobs, family, and, well, that's it.  Each conversation took approximately 30 seconds.  It was weird though because each interaction with my musician colleagues wasn't forced or uncomfortable; I didn't feel the need to invent an exit strategy from the conversation ("OMG, is that Josh Bell?") and I didn't have to talk about the rehearsal ("So he is taking that blahblah piece is so fast! I'm pretty much faking, like, half the notes, you know?") or how tired I was ("Wow, I need some caffeine-these are late nights...") although all of these quotes were actually spoken at some point in time, minus the Josh Bell one.  The atmosphere was just so familiar and comfortable.  It was cozy, warm and friendly, like being wrapped up in a blanket of slightly awkward complements mixed with the one-armed hugs and jaw kisses of non-friends who are truly happy to see you.  

I think the relationship between my description of these symphony rehearsals and my description of my feelings toward said rehearsals is, if you think about it, an accurate depiction of my personality and outlook in life.  I am social, I care about people more than experiences, I enjoy being surrounded by people regardless of their level of love for me or I for them, I like to laugh and joke and smile even if the topic of conversation is not particularly funny, I liked to be noticed, I enjoy hugging and kissing strangers, I rate how good or bad my day was on how many people I made laugh, I take pleasure in external validation, whether it be about my musicianship, appearance or intelligence, I would rather have a 30 second conversation about nothing than quietly stand in like for the toilet, and I would rather have a job where I am bombarded with kids and other teachers every second of the day than have a job practicing and performing on the most beautiful musical instrument in the world (don't even fight me on this one, you know it's true.)  It's never been a secret: I am a teacher first, cellist second.  I've always hated practicing- bleh!  Boring!  I'm all alone?  For more than an hour?  And I have to do the same thing over and over?  Gross.  You mean there is a career in which I can boss other people around and they have to do what I say?  Sign me up!  

That said, there could not be another group of people with which I have this awkward yet comfortable, unconditionally friendly yet non-friend relationship.  Is it the music that brings us together and forms that special bond or is the people that make the music so special in the first place?  I don't really know and I don't really care.  What I do know is this: in my opinion, the bonds formed while performing with an orchestra far outweigh the notes and rhythms- this I must remember when I teach.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Holiday Hoedown

It is nearing that time again when I become a crazed lunatic whose patience is little and temper is hot.  I've had a count down on my board of how many rehearsals left until our holiday concert since there were 15 rehearsals.  We have reached the 4 rehearsals mark.  I will announce the "Don't piss me off" disclaimer on Monday.

I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew for this one- at least that's what the panicked part of me thinks.  The logical side of me is all like, "Dude, chill out, it's middle school orchestra..."  Just last rehearsal I did something stupid.  Like, really stupid.  Ugh, why did I do it?  So my 7th grade is playing "Angels we have heard on High" (spelled 'Angles we have heard on High' on many of their parts because I had a student make copies and she cut off the title and wrote it in that way...) and also "Holiday Waltz," which is a combined piece with the 8th grade.  Then they are playing "Jingle Bells" flash mob style during one of our many stage transitions.  They're going to be out in the audience and pop up to play the song by memory- it'll either be really awesome or really sloppy, but cute either way so who cares?  But they were only going to be on stage by themselves for one piece and I felt bad for all the parents who came to see their kid perform and they only play for 1 minute and 30 seconds?  Plus another 2 minutes with the 8th grade?  So the very, very, stupid thing I did at the 5 rehearsal mark was add five pieces- one piece per section (easy 2-part stuff for soli violins, violas, cellos, and basses) and another large group piece called "Christmas Sampler."  I decided if they weren't able to play everything I handed them semi-decently by the end of the block, we'd scrap the idea.  It was risky because either way we're losing a rehearsal close to show time.  But those little nuggets pulled it off with style.  God love 'em, why couldn't they have just bombed and made it clear to me that I should just have stuck with Plan A?

The 8th grade is playing "Holiday Hoedown", a hilarious piece that cracks me up every time we rehearse it.  It mixes like 50 Christmas carols with a bunch of fiddle tunes 2 bars at a time.  Freakin' hilarious!  They don't get it.  "See?" I'll say, "It's funny!"
"I think only composers think it's funny."
"No, musicians think it's funny."  Awwww burn!  Anyway, they're playing that and then "Holiday Waltz" with the 7th grade.  Then the other stupid thing I took on for this concert was a full orchestra piece.  It's called "All is Calm," an arrangement of "Silent Night," and it is really gorgeous when it's played together and in tune and with all the right parts...  I've had 2 really quick rehearsals with some of the strings and some of the winds that went relatively well, but I sincerely don't think we'll have everyone play at the same time until the night of the concert, which is scary.  It's just so hard to get kids to attend extra rehearsals all at once, especially when they're band kids who are playing for free, so to speak.  Though, I have been pleasantly surprised with how well the wind players are doing.  They are all really sweet kids and they play with great tone quality and respond well to my conducting and direction.  But like I said, we've yet to rehearse with all the parts, so if we pull this off it will be a miracle.

In addition to a combined 7th/8th grade piece and a full orchestra piece, I also have the new Honor's Orchestra performing.  They are playing "Dona Nobis Pacem," which is the first piece they've played that is in the key of A major (G#'s are a bitch...) and it's slow and requires a lot of bow control.  It's going well, but we haven't consistently played it through without someone dropping a beat and getting off. Plus this orchestra meets from 7:30 to 8:30 Monday and Wednesday mornings and inevitably at least 2 or 3 members will be missing from the 13 member group.  These guys are also playing "Kwanzaa Celebration" (yay for diversity!), a piece with some African drums- it'll be a crowd-pleaser I think.  In addition to the two pieces on stage, I've also planned for them to play carols in the lobby while people enter.  I bought some books that should be easy to sight read and provide plenty of variety, however the books did not get delivered until after class on Friday, which means none of my Honor's Orchestra kids have seen the music yet.  And we still have the other pieces to perfect and those 18 Christmas carols need to be learned and able to be played without me all in four 7:30-8:30 AM rehearsals.  Yikes.

So in conclusion, here is what our Orchestra Holiday Concert looks like:

6:40-7:00 Honor's Orchestra Carols in the Lobby
7:00 7th grade Orchestra, Angles we have heard on High; 4 section pieces; Christmas Sampler
7:15 7th/8th grade Orchestras Holiday Waltz
7:20 Honor's Orchestra: Dona Nobis Pacem; Kwanzaa Celebration
7:25 Flash mob 7th grade Jingle Bells
7:30 8th grade Holiday Hoedown
7:35 Junior Symphonic Orchestra All is Calm
7:45 Pack up and go home

We work like slaves for 9 weeks to perform for 45 minutes. It makes me feel depressed.  And panicked.  Did I mention panicked?

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Feather Me Manipulative

I wish people simply gave to charity out of the goodness of their hearts without  need of incentive or competition.  Fortunately, 8th graders are easy to trick into doing things, so when there is an incentive that is desirable enough and a competition that is hot enough, it's the perfect storm for Mrs. Martin, Super Saleswoman!  Here is the competition: to raise money for families in need during the holidays, the lunch room supervising teachers (yours truly and the rest of the poor souls who were assigned this duty) are selling paper feathers to students for $1.00.  When a student buys a feather, he writes his name on it and tapes it to one of the the cafeteria windows.  Whichever team (the school is divided into teams depending on their schedule and lunch times) purchases the most feathers wins a prize.  In the past, the prize has been gym time during homeroom.  This was what the prize was thought to be for the first week of the competition.  My team, the Jaguars, bought a grand total of three feathers.  Yeah, it was pretty indicative of their attitude for charity.  "I don't have any money.  They should be sending me food during the holidays!"  "Who cares about gym time?"  On Friday, it was announced that the competition had been extended to the following  Wednesday and the prize would not be gym time, but instead a movie with free popcorn for the whole team in the auditorium, during the school day.  Feather sales would soon start to increase.

On Monday I started my pitch.  The Jaguar's feathers are black to match the color of their hearts and their lanyards.  I took a big stack of black paper feathers and a silver marker and waved them above my head as I walked around to each round lunch table.

"Who's buying a feather today?  Who wants that free movie day?  Who wants to help give to families in need during the holidays?"

No hands shot up in response.  I walked up to a table and bent down.

"Come on guys, who wants to donate a dollar? You guys could get a free movie day!" I said.
A curly-haired mixed kid responded, "There's no way we're going to catch the Cardinals.  They have a full window filled already!"

The Cardinals are the honor's team.  Their feather color is red.  They're the rich kids, they're the white kids, they're the generous kids.  I frankly love having them in class.  They may be snobs, but they be snobs whose parents taught them manners.  They donated lots of money before they even knew what the prize was.  They are, of course, a bit cocky though.

"No, no, no.  You guys don't get it.  You see, the Cardinals won't see you coming.  They're content.  They sitting pretty.  They have a comfortable lead.  You have three measly feathers up there!  You're a joke!  That's why you're in the perfect position!"

The table of Jaguars stared a me.  A skinny black girl with a bad hair weave spoke.

"But how we gonna get as many as them?  They got like a hundred.  We only got two days.  We don't got a chance."

I countered, "Yes you do!  If every Jaguar donated just one dollar, you could have a window covered by today!  Trust me on this: you plan a sneak attack.  Donate a ton at the last minute.  No one will see it coming!  It's the perfect plan!"

They Jaguar table looked at each other skeptically.

I tried another tactic.  "How much do you pay to go see a movie?"

The mixed kid said, "Like, ten bucks.  Plus popcorn and stuff, like twenty maybe."

The other Jaguars nodded in agreement.

"This is one dollar.  Just one!  Maybe two if you want to be safe."

"But what movie is it going to be?" a fat kid argued.  "It's probably going to be like PG or something lame."

"Who cares?"  I said, throwing my hands up theatrically.  "It's during the school day!  And you get free popcorn!"

I bent over lower.

"And you get a chance to beat the Cardinals without them even knowing it.  See, you have lunch after them.  You have the advantage of knowing exactly how many feathers they have, so you'll know exactly how many feathers you need to win.  It's the perfect plan, guys.  Trust me.  It's seriously perfect.  Imagine, the Jaguars, the team who came from only three feathers in the first week, winning the movie day..."

The Jaguars looked around at each other.  I could see the wheels turning.

"How much for one feather?"

I smiled.  "A dollar."

Two of the Jaguars dug their hands into their dirty jeans' pockets and pulled out some dollar bills.

"I'll take two."

"I'll take one."

I shouted, "Yeah, that's what I'm taking about!  A Jaguar surge!  A sneak attack!  It's all you, you're going to win! Spread the word!"

I performed my act at a few more tables.  I got $5.00 from one kid and several more single orders.  By the end of Monday there were 20 black feathers on the cafeteria window and promises from several students to bring money the next day.

On Tuesday I spread my plan to more tables.  The Jaguars were buzzing.  One wiry blonde boy with crooked teeth tossed me a bag with $20.00 worth of quarters and dimes.  I cheered them on and excitedly urged them to spread the word!  Every Jaguar had to bring at least a dollar to win!  By the end of Tuesday's lunch there were 83 black feathers on the window.  There were 120 red feathers.  The Jaguars were closing in...

Wednesday was the final day to donate.  I told my homeroom that if everyone in our class gave at least a dollar, I would bring them candy on Friday, regardless of if they won the overall competition.

My sassy little Mexican girl who always, I mean every day, always, wears some form of leopard print said, "If we don't win, I want my money back!"

I looked at her.  "What do you think this money is for?"

Everyone got quiet.

"You want your two dollars back?  Really?  For what?  So you can buy Air Heads at the book store or a cookie in the lunch line?  Come on.  If you lose, you still will have given a lot of money to families who don't have food or warm clothes.  You want your two dollars back if you don't get to watch a stupid movie?"

She shook her head.  "Nah, I'm just playin'.  They can keep it."

I let the silence hang for a bit. "Good," I said.

Another one of my homeroom students came into class a little late with a money bank full of change.

"There's $27.52 in here!" he exclaimed, slamming it down on my desk.

"Alright, awesome!" I said.

He asked, "Can I go around to all the homerooms and ask for spare change?  We can just put 'Jaguars' or something on those feathers.  Or just leave 'em blank, who cares?  We're gonna win!"

He was practically jumping up and down.  The rest of the class didn't even mock him or laugh under their breath like they usually would at anyone who showed the least bit of positive emotion.  They all just smiled with excitement and said encouraging things like, "Wow, that's so awesome!" and "I have some change in my locker!" and "Can we, can we please go collect change, Mrs. Martin?!"

"OK," I said, "but ask the classroom teacher first and don't be disruptive!  And be back in less than 10 minutes to finish your work!"

He and a friend rushed out the room, the coin bank clanking heavily.

After he left and the room was quiet with Jaguars working on their morning math, one of my girls looked over at me.  She has never spoke to me respectfully the whole year.  She is rarely in her seat when the bell rings and she usually is stirring up some kind of disruption by gossiping loudly or dancing in her seat to silent pop music, which she mouths obnoxiously.

She said, "If it weren't for you, we would still have three feathers."

She said it very frankly.  Not like a complement, not like an accusation, just sort of stating a fact.  She stared at me for a few more seconds before I said, "I know."

She turned back to her math and quietly started working.

The cafeteria was mayhem that day.  Jaguars were rushing up to me with handfuls of crumpled dollar bills.  Everyone was asking, "How many do we need?" and "Are we going to win?"  The Cardinals had also brought their A game for the final day of donating.  A whole other window was feathered red.  I didn't count the red feathers.  I just kept collecting Jaguar money and animatedly answering "I'm not sure, we're close though!  Everyone needs to give or else it won't be possible!"

The final score after Wednesday's lunch: Jaguars- $161.00, Cardinals- $258.00  None of the other 5 teams were even close.  I didn't tell the Jaguars they had lost.  They left the cafeteria bumping fists and excitedly murmuring, "We could win, we could win!"

When I told one of my colleagues what I was doing, she said, "The kids you hate?  These are the kids in your homeroom, right?  These are the kids who give you all the trouble?  Why are you helping them?"

I just shrugged.  I don't know really.  Maybe I got caught up in the competition.  Maybe I love an underdog.  Maybe I enjoyed tricking the black-feathered monsters into donating all their money to charity.  I honestly can't say.  All I know is that tomorrow I will feed my kids a story along the lines of, "There was one kid on the Cardinals that gave like $50.00 at the last minute." Or, "You were only about $20.00 behind!  If only more people would have donate just one dollar, we could have done it!"  Or, "We will hatch an even greater plan next time and we will win!"

I don't know if they got the message or understood that each those colored feathers on the window represented $1.00 and added together those feathers would feed several families Thanksgiving dinner.  What I do know is that for those two short days, the Jaguars were a team.  They encouraged, they fought together for a common cause (albeit a movie day and free popcorn), and they won me over.  I know there are still going to be plenty of days when I could strangle the lot of them and walk away whistling Dixie, but now I've seen what they can be, and I know what role I can play, and now I know that every time, we will win.

The Election

After only one week, I nearly forgot it happened.  The election was such a big deal for approximately 1 year and 11 months leading up to it.  And here it is, a mere 7 days later, and I seriously almost forgot to write about it.  Middle schoolers are so funny about politics.  They of course know absolutely nothing, other than what they see on  TV commercials and what their parents say.  And I'm sure they didn't know any politician's name other than Romney and Obama.  And even then, I heard someone say "Bronco Bama" in reference to the president.  Really?

One of my colleagues did a little experiment with his classes.  He had them vote on two different hypothetical schools.
  • School #1 had a lot of rules and teachers and principals but students were given much more guidance and help and in many cases, several second chances at reform.  At School #1, students had to pay a little more to attend but in return they were provided with better clubs and resources.  Everyone at School #1 would be at a comfortable middle class socioeconomic status.  Students who attended School #1 would be better prepared for college because of the strong guidance of their teachers.  
  • School #2 had fewer rules and allowed students to come up with their own rules and regulations.  They would be given more freedom and fewer rules at School #2 and would pay less to attend.  But School #2 would not offer as many clubs and resources for free and the teachers and administration would not help them with their school work or bail them out if they got in trouble.  School #2 would have some poor kids, some middle class kids, and some rich kids.  Students who attended School #2 would still have a chance to attend college, but wouldn't get the help of teachers.
For which school do you think 95% of his students voted?  Yep, School #2.  "We want more freedom!"   "We don't want no one telling us what to do!"  "We can figure our stuff out for ourselves!"  "Clubs are stupid anyway."  When my colleague revealed which school embodied the basic outline of the Democratic party's ideals and which one embodied the Republican party's ideals, the students were outraged.  "You tricked us!"  "Vote Obama!  He tight!"  "If you vote Mitt Romney, you racist."

On November 6th, all day I was asked, "Who are you voting for?"  I just smiled and shook my head.  I tried telling one class about Glenda Ritz, the woman running again the current Indiana State Superintendent of Schools, Tony Bennett  and why I was voting for her.  They didn't care, even though her winning the election will effect them more than President Obama's victory will.  It's been a week and the smear ads are finally off the TV, Facebook status updates are no longer all about politics, and I haven't heard Romney or Obama's names spoken in the hallways once.  Not sure what to take from this other than I'm glad voters grow up before going to the polls... right?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Field Trips

Did you know people from the north say the word "both" weird?  Apparently we put an "L" in the word, making it "bolth".  I never realized that was one of the words I said weird until my 8th graders pointed it out.

"Say 'both' again," they said.
"Bolth."
(laughter)  "Say it again."
"What?  Bolth!  What's wrong with it?"
"You're saying it all weird!  You're saying 'bolth'!" (laughter and multiple repetitions of "bolth, bolth, bolth")
My response: "Shut up, you 'bolth' can bite me."  Real mature, I know.  But screw you, stupid 8th grade bullies!

Field Trip #1: Zach DePue

Last Monday I took my bright little bullies on a field trip.  We walked across the parking lot to the high school auditorium and watched Zach DePue, concert master of the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, conduct a master class with the high school orchestra.  The running time of this field trip was 1 hour and 45 minutes, and for that I had to get the signatures of my principal and the superintendent, permission slips signed by every student's parent, 7 chaperons, and the OK via e-mail by each participating student's first block teacher.  I accomplished this in a week.  The morning of the field trip went by super smoothly.  There was minimal drama save for one chaperon who arrived at the high school twenty minutes late with two students and her crying three year old son in tow demanding entry to the high school by yelling at the secretary.  Zach DePue was really great with the kids.  He did a short question/answer session after the master class and he was really personable and easy-going.  My kids were perfect little angels: no stupid questions, no talking during the performance, no disrespectful behavior, no stupid questions...  Then at the end (they were so freakin' cute!) we took a group picture with him and they all wanted his autograph.  Some of them had him sign their lanyard or school ID (so freakin' cute!).  The walk to and from the high school went perfectly: the weather was great, no one tried to sneak off by themselves, and I started and ended with the same number of students!  Field trips are hard to come by nowadays what with budget cuts and and unwillingness of administrators and other teachers to allow students time out of academic classes.  So although a simple walk across the parking lot may seem like not a big deal, it really was an extraordinary event.  And I'll have you know, this parking lot is no ordinary parking lot- it was a good ten minute walk.  Our campus is huge!

Field Trip #2: All Region Orchestra

Saturday, November 10th:  All Region Orchestra Festival.  Six of my students were invited.  Five attended.

"Tommy, this is Mrs. Martin.  Where are you?"
"I'm sick.  I can't move my arm."
(pause) "Which one is it?  You're sick or you can't move your arm?"
"My dad just told me to go back to bed."
"Don't you think you should have called someone?  Let me know that you're not going to show up?"
"I didn't know if anyone would be up, so..."
"Didn't know if anyone would be up?!  You know what time you were supposed to be here!  Where did you think the rest of us were?  Pressing the snooze?"
(Silence)
"OK, Tommy.  You will have some explaining to do on Monday.  Goodbye."

Rewind.

Friday, November 2nd: First rehearsal
  • Maxene (Violin I) has her music, has probably looked through it, but has not practiced it.
  • Dorothy (Violin II) has her music, has looked through it, has practice some of it.
  • Nicole (Viola) has her music, has several markings in each piece, has thoroughly practiced each piece.
  • Stacia (Cello) does not have her music, has not looked at it or practice it.
  • Kat (Bass) not in attendance
  • Tommy (Viola) not in attendance
  • Tiara (Viola, alternate) attended and watched music while we rehearsed.
We read through two of the four pieces.  It was a struggle, but by the end they all knew what it was supposed to sound like and vowed they would practice over the weekend.

Monday, November 5th: Second rehearsal (also same day as the morning Zach DePue field trip)
  • Maxene (Violin I) has her music, has practice and improved
  • Dorothy (Violin II) has her music, has practiced and improved
  • Nicole (Viola) has her music, has practiced even more and is pretty solid on each piece
  • Stacia (Cello) has three out of four pieces, has practiced a little, is pretty shaky
  • Kat (Bass) got her music the day before, may have looked at it, probably not
  • Tommy (Viola) not in attendance
We read through the other two pieces.  It was a struggle, but by the end they all knew what each piece was supposed to sound like and vowed they would practice that night before tomorrow's rehearsal.

Tuesday, November 6th: Third rehearsal- off campus at the other middle school combined with the other All Region kids
  • Maxene (Violin I) knows her part
  • Dorothy (Violin II) not in attendance- has to babysit her little sister while mom and dad work
  • Nicole (Viola) really knows her part
  • Stacia (Cello) kind of knows her part but lacks confidence and really needs to practice more
  • Kat (Bass) kind of knows her part but is more concerned about flirting with the other bass player from the other school
  • Tommy (Viola) not in attendance
The other school had two Violin I's, a Violin II, and a flirty Bass player.  At one point in the rehearsal I believe I said to him, "Stop saying weird things.  I'm going to put a box over your head."  We were able to run through all of the pieces and they were starting to sound intelligible.  Now they're starting to get excited...

Friday, November 9th: Fourth and last rehearsal.
  • Maxene (Violin I) knows her part and is playing it well
  • Dorothy (Violin II) knows her part and is playing it well
  • Nicole (Viola) really knows her part and is playing like a rock start.  too bad she didn't choose violin.
  • Stacia (Cello) kicked it into high gear since last rehearsal and knows her part well.
  • Kat (Bass) knows her part and is playing it well
  • Tommy (Viola) not in attendance
  • Tiara (Viola, alternate) rehearses with us in hopes that Tommy will say he's not coming Saturday so she can come.  Knows the music well enough and will probably stay up all night to learn it if that meant she could come to the festival.
I call Tommy's dad at the beginning of the rehearsal.  I never said that students had to attend rehearsals in order to go to All Region, but I had been warning Tommy all week that he had better know his part before Saturday.  After calling three different numbers, I finally get a hold of Tommy's dad.

"Hello?"
"Hi!  This is Libby Martin from Chapel Hill, Tommy's orchestra teacher.  With whom am I speaking?"
"This is Jason."
"Hi, Jason.  I was just calling to see if Tommy was still planning on attending the All Region Orchestra festival tomorrow morning.  He had said he was coming to our after school rehearsal today but he isn't here so I just wanted to see if he had a ride tomorrow or if he was canceling or what..."
"Hold on.  Let me go get Tommy." (shuffling, silence)
"Hello?"
"Tommy?"
"Yeah."
"This is Mrs. Martin.  Where are you?"
"My dad couldn't drive me.  But I'm coming tomorrow.  He said he could take me.  I'm coming."
"Are you sure?  Do you even know the music?"
"Yeah, yeah.  I've practiced.  My dad is driving me, I'll be there."
"OK, do you have directions?  Do you know what time to be there?"
"We can look them up.  Where is it?  And it's, like, in the morning, right?"
"Yes.  It is at the Junior High School and you need to be there by 8:15.  You are sure you are going to be able to get there?"
"Yeah, yeah!  I'll be there, I promise."
"Well, OK then. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, OK.  Bye."

Saturday, November 10th: All Region Orchestra Festival:
  • Maxene (Violin I) Arrives at 8:20 with her mom who stays all day, reading a book in the car.  She ends up sitting somewhere in the middle of the section
  • Dorothy (Violin II) Arrives at 9:05, late because her dad got lost.  He drops her off then comes back with her grandma and little brothers for the concert.  She ends up sitting somewhere in the middle of the section
  • Nicole (Viola) Arrives at 7:45 with her mom.  Later her dad older sister, and twin sister arrive for the concert.  She sits first chair.
  • Stacia (Cello) Arrives at 8:30.  Is dropped off.  Never saw her parents but I assume they picked her up... She sits second chair.
  • Kat (Bass) Shows up at 8:45.  Is dropped off.  Her mom and dad (divorced) and their separate families show up for the concert.  The basses weren't ranked, but she stood next to the boy from Rehearsal #3.
  • Tommy (Viola) not in attendance.
The concert was good.  The girls had a great time.  I got them pizza for lunch.  I taught the cello sectional- the kids were way too serious about it.  Dudes, chill.  You're in what, 7th grade?  Smile, why don't you!  I just made a fart joke.  During the long stretch of the day, me and Kristen, the other middle school's orchestra teacher, went to the outlet malls.  When we came back I passed out band-aids to all the poor babies whose widdle baby fingers were all soft and blistered.  It was a great experience for all, including me.

What did I say to Tommy on Monday?  Well, there were a lot of scenarios that I played out in my head, most of which included the words, "irresponsible, unreliable, unfair, apology, communication," and " rue the day."  But I don't know enough about what was going on at home.  I was angry, don't get me wrong!  And I will never recommend Tommy for another honor's position again, nor will I allow him to play with any groups that require a dependable violist.  The girls chewed him out in front of everyone.  They said everything I wanted to say and more and that was probably for the best.  All I said was, "You owe me $25.00."

I have great students.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  And bolth these field trips were a success because of them.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Fall Break


I am in the final hours of my fall break.  It is 10:30 pm on Sunday night after a two week hiatus from teaching.  I think I am definitely going to enjoy my years at a school that follows a balanced calendar.  This particular year, being that it is my first year in the district, I am required to attend "GCL", a professional development course designed by the school corporation.  There are two options for completing these 30 hours of professional development: Option A: attend several night classes throughout the year that last all the way through May.  Option B: knock all 30 hours out during your first week of fall break.  Option B fills up fast and was my top choice so I signed up right away.  I was quite bitter that I had to spend 8 AM - 4 PM Monday-Thursday locked up in a conference room instead of enjoying an extra week off, but now it's all done and out of the way.  

A few thoughts/comments/musings about GCL:
  • GCL doesn't stand for anything, they are just the initials in the administrator handbook under which this course is discussed
  • If I have to talk about Marzano again I might punch through a window
  • I hate being forced to comment on things about which I have nothing to say.  It really is a testament to my English education as to how well I was able to simply restate the question and simply agree but somehow make it sound as if what I said was brilliant and original.  It made me feel like an evil genius and a circus monkey at the same time.
  • Orchestra is a very different school subject than every other subject.  But people get tired of hearing that and I am painfully aware of it so I have to play the game of "How does my subject fit into this conversation and how do I act like I give a damn so I don't come off like an Elitist Bitch?"
  • I have bad handwriting and markers really highlight that.  Ironically enough, highlighters hide it.
  • More than once I had the urge to pull a Costanza and "leave on a high note" after cracking a joke and making everyone laugh.
  • There were far too many good snacks and far too much boring down time.  Dangerous combination.
  • Teachers are the worst students.  Not sure how much you'd have to pay me to teach this course, but it'd have to be big bucks.
  • I enjoy the company of other teachers.  I like talking to them, especially when our conversations are not contrived or being driven by means of a dumb game.
The rest of my fall break was very enjoyable.  Some highlights:
  • We have hardwood floors now, courtesy of my very handy husband
  • My puppy and I visited my parents and had a fun time
  • I got EVERYTHING done on my checklist, including cleaning the bathroom today AND writing this blog post at the last minute :)
  • I took several hearty naps, an absolute must in any vacation of mine
  • I cooked and baked several new recipes- yum!
  • I assembled and sent my sister a care package (spoiler alert if you haven't gotten it yet, Elaine...)
  • I was able to go to the gym almost every day and got a good rhythm going- now I'm not as reluctant about it.  Good feeling
  • I don't feel bummed about going back to school tomorrow, which means my fall break was a success!
Other than GCL, I only did a tiny bit of grading and I stopped by school today for an hour to set up my chairs and stands.  That means I did not dwell on school over break, but it also means I really have to get back into school mode tomorrow.  Luckily, next week I'm on resource room duty, which means instead of doing cafeteria duty, I get to go upstairs and sit at the resource desk and basically work.  I may answer the phone or help a kid take a test, but usually I get an extra 40 minutes of prep, which is awesome.  I am really lucky that my resource room week aligned with the week after break- I can get caught up on my organization stuff and won't have to deal with any back-to-school idiots in the cafeteria.  Such a bonus.

Here we go.  Three and a half weeks till Thanksgiving break. 




Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Stress

It has been a long couple of weeks.  Last night was my first concert with the middle school kiddos.  Everything went smoothly.  I had a lot of great help- four grown adult music educators and six high school orchestra students.  It was way more than I ever would have asked for, but I am very glad they were all there.  Leading up to the concert I had been in a really horrible fight with one of my colleagues.  It is too personal and just way too much to get into the details, but the stress just wore me down.  And you know, I never really realized what it felt like to be stressed because last year, I was in a constant state of stress, so I never felt not stressed, you know?  I was always tired, I was always drained, I always felt a little down at work.  I thought that was just work.  But this year I've been happy, so when I became stressed, I realized that I was tired and sad and that was no longer normal.  So in a way, it was a good experience!  I was able to recognize that I am capable of being happy and free and that being stressed-out is just temporary.  I will emerge from the stress-cesspool eventually and when that happens, I'll feel better.  Way to look on the bright side of life, hey?

Previous to the stress, I had been sick with the cold from Hell.  I'm not sure if it was one long cold or two to three viruses back to back determined to suck the life from me.  I took two days off, which I hate doing (remember, I have and "attendance unit" attached to my raise which I'll get in three years if I'm lucky...) and I still didn't feel better.  Through it all, my kids proved to be a life source.  I would perch on my podium as the Swamp Beast, dripping with snot, barking raspy orders, banging my baton on the stand and those darling little twerps would chirp around, doing what I said, trying hard, getting better, smiling at me, saying "Thank you for class!" and "Have a good day!" and "I hope you feel better soon!" although that last one might have been a true plea of their own selfish desire for a better classroom atmosphere...

My fight with my colleague slowly built, as girl fights usually do, on little things.  A small explosion lead to a decision for a one-on-one meeting, which ended in tears, which lead to the calling of the principal, which lead to the acquiring of a mediator, which lead to more hurt feelings and stress, which eventually fizzled out and lead to an business relationship and hopefully eventually and understanding between two women.  *sigh*  It all just makes me want to curl up and go to bed.

My concert was good.  The 7th grade has only been playing their instruments for 9 weeks so it was rather demonstration-y.  The 8th grade did a good job.  They performed at the same level that they rehearsed, which is all that a director can hope.  It was a good first concert I think.  I really hope I can sand down the edges of this group.  I feel like I had a rough start with them, what with the trust issues they had up front.  Now that I feel like they're with me, I hope we can keep moving forward.  We'll see, I'm not 100% in love with them yet...

Fall break is around the corner.  I can smell it.  There are a few more hurdles before I get there (grades are due, parent/teacher conferences, submission deadlines for festivals, auditions for honor's orchestra, picking Christmas music, etc...) but it is so close.  I am in desperate need of some fall breakage, and soon.  Me and my pup and some apple cider and my slippers a blanket and the TV remote and some Grey's Anatomy DVD's and my cell phone with some Facebook and my US Weekly and my Kindle and my iPod with Jim Dale reading me Harry Potter... I'm a multitasker, even when I vacation, what can I say?  I don't want to have to move! 

Oh, and I've lost 20 pounds.  I guess stress is good for something...?  Just kidding, I've been trying hard for that.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Teacher Mom

This week our friends announced that they were pregnant.  I was so happy for them.  I was 95% happy for them and maybe only 5% jealous.  Maybe, like, 92% happy for them and 8% jealous... Ok, I was like 90% happy for them.  Let's leave it at that.  It's not like I want a baby right now or anything.  We've been married 2 years, we'll wait another 2 or 3 more years to start trying, and then we'll be ready.  We have a plan and I am perfectly happy and content with that plan.  It's just, now there is going to be another baby around for me to hold and play with that is not my baby.  And I spend all day caring for and teaching other people's babies.  It is actually crazy how much I care about those 12-year old babies that aren't mine, but sort of are mine.  I invest the best hours of my day in those babies.  I study how they each learn best and how I can reach them.  I see myself in them- sometimes good, sometimes bad.  They disappoint me.  They make me proud.  They make me so angry sometimes I want to cry.  They frustrate me.  They make me laugh.  They cheer me up.  They're my babies.  But they're not.

I picked up a private student recently.  His mom contacted me and they happened to be free when I was free and were willing to bring him to my house so I figured, what the heck?  Some extra cash won't hurt.  This week he was packing up and he was talking about how his bow was a little stiff.  I said my bow was stiff too and I have been saving up to buy a new one.  He asked how much bows cost.  I said the one I was looking at was about $800.  "$800?!"  he said.  "What does it do?  Light up or something?"  I tried to explain what $800 bought you, but he wasn't buying it, so to speak.  It would seem that unless this bow doubled as a light saber and/or some kind or laser, I should not be spending $800 on it.

I have this habit of randomly breaking into an opera voice or other random accents in the middle of speech just to check to see if my students are paying attention.  It's extremely dorky but most of them get a kick out of it.  The other day on of my 7th grade violinists sang out in an opera voice the phrase "shadow bow!" just like how I do.  I was delighted to say the least because she wasn't doing it mockingly, she had just picked up on it and was emulating.  It was great.

I nick-named one of my students "Bacon" because on the first day of summer school class he wrote "I love bacon" on his name tag instead of his name.  So I just called him Bacon.  I was going to ease up during the school year, but he actually corrected me when I called him by his real name and said, "No, my name's Bacon!" and the kids called him Bacon so I guess it stuck.  You'd think a kid who insists on being called Bacon would be a handful, and you'd be right.  He is a handful.  But he also made my heart melt the other day.  One of my "special" students was struggling opening her locker and I was busy getting the class lined up for the buses and she couldn't get her locker open and all her stuff was spread out all over the floor.  Bacon just walked out of line and went up to her and asked, "What's your combo?"  And opened her locker for her, then helped her pack up her stuff.  I put my arm around him when we were outside by the buses and said "Thanks for helping with the locker.  That was very kind of you."  He responded with "Can I get a piece of candy for that?"  Oy.

I have a homeroom that I teach in another teacher's classroom.  The kids in that class don't take orchestra so I only see them in the morning for a short 30 minutes.  One girl arrives early every day.  She sometimes helps me pass out papers or take chairs down or run errands.  Sometimes she just sits and talks to me.  I don't mind because she is pretty sweet and I'm not usually very busy or anything.  The other day she started talking about some online chat room and this guy she met on there.  I was only vaguely paying attention at first but when I realized what she was saying I got a little concerned.

"Do you have to be a certain age to get in this chat room?"
"No"
"Do you use your real name"
"Yes"
"Your last name"
"No"
"Good.  You be careful- don't give any personal information.  In fact, you really shouldn't be on those sites at all.  Whose house are you at when you're using the internet?"
"My aunt's"

It's situations like these where I feel helpless.  I'm not her mom.  I'm not her aunt.  I have no authority over what she does on the internet outside of school.  I can only give her advice and warnings and hope she uses her brain.

One of my 8th grade classes was talking about careers and what they wanted to be when they grew up and what they wanted to study in college.  I told them how much I loved being a teacher but that if you don't love your job, you won't last. I told them a little about my first couple years of teaching and how rough it was and how poorly my high school classes treated me at my first school.  Their reaction was so sweet.  They were mortified: "You don't deserve that!"  "You are so patient!"  "You are such a nice lady!"  "You are so sweet and kind!"  "You are such a good teacher though!"  They made me smile.  They were so genuinely shocked. They wanted better for me.

My 7th graders sight read a real orchestra piece after only 6 weeks on their instruments.  I was proud as a peacock.  I strutted around for hours after that.  They know how to respond to questions.  They know how to solve problems on their own (within reason- they are still middle-schoolers after all...), they take instruction and then apply it, and they're making music.  I am absolutely thrilled with their progress.

These are my babies.  They test my patience, they push the boundaries, and they make me love them.  So until I'm ready for biological babies, these babies will be more than enough.



Sunday, September 9, 2012

Hot Cheetos and Takis

I love that even though I live in Indiana, amid cornfields and adjacent to the freak show that is NASCAR, I experience a different culture every day.  I grew up in the very definition of white suburbia.  We weren't racist or anything, there just wasn't any other significant ethnicity represented in the immediate area.  I  remember a day my sophomore year in high school when I was approached by a friend and was asked, "Hey, did you hear there's a new black kid?"  Yeah, we had so few black students that when a new one arrived, it was a school-wide phenomena.  This is not the case on the west side of Indianapolis.  The other day one of my 8th grade girl students spotted my Kroger Slim Rite drink sitting on my desk and asked, "You trying to lose weight or something?"  I said, "Ya, I'd like to be cute and thin again.  I'd could stand to shed a few pounds"  She looked quizzically at me and asked, "You don't want to be thick?"  I am quite sure my mother never reminded me as a teen, "Libby, it's fine to diet, just be sure to stay thick."

Another cultural bewilderment is Hot Cheetos and Takis.  (There is a YouTube video- you should look it up.  It illustrates my point quite clearly...)  The music department at my school is not permitted to fund raise, which poses a bit a problem when we want to buy things that the school won't buy for us.  So many moons ago administration struck a deal with us, saying we could sell an item at the school bookstore and keep the profits.  The only rule was we weren't allowed to sell candy.  So we sold Mentos because they were technically a mint.  The athletic department, who was given the same rule as us, sold Tic-Tacs.  This year though, we noticed students coming away from the bookstore with Air Heads.  Clearly the candy rule had gone by the wayside, so the music department needed to step up its game because let's face it, no kid is going to buy Mentos over Air Heads!  My colleagues had been debating what they thought the kids would want, so I decided to poll them all during lunch.  I walked around to each table and just asked them, "If we were going to sell another item at the bookstore, what would you want to buy?"  I suggested gum, chocolate, or Skittles.  After a couple tables, one kid said, "Takis!  You should sell Takis!  Everyone would buy them!" I was like, "Takis?  What are Takis?"  They looked at me like I was an idiot then all started screaming excitedly at once: "They're like these hot Cheeto things!  They're like crunchy chips, like Cheetos, only hot!  They stain your fingers red!"  Then I realized that I had seen them around and always thought they looked disgusting.  Then I realized that at least one or two students were eating them at every table in the lunch room.  Then I realized that the students that weren't eating Takis were eating Hot Cheetos!  What was this?! I could not image a more disgusting snack, but I passed on the results of my poll to the rest of the music department.  If we wanted to out-sell the athletic department with their Air Heads, then Takis were the way to go.  Sure enough, after throwing Takis into my suggestions to the tables, they were the overwhelming winner.  How bizarre...

I wish I would have started writing about some of the culture shock I had my first year.  After 3 years, some of the things that were weird at first are completely normal now, so I don't remember them.  Little things like the vernacular still make me laugh, and now that I am more comfortable, I make fun of some students.  I'll repeat back to them what they say in a very "white" voice.  "You ain't got no pencil?  Really?  Well what do you think you should do about that?"  Another little thing is the phrase "I gotta use it" instead of "I have to go to the bathroom."  That one was more popular at the elementary school, but I had some high schoolers who said it too.  I'm sure there are many more, but like I said, now that I'm more acclimated I don't even notice the little things any more.

I am still very much loving my job.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Every day I leave smiling, even if I had a difficult student or something.  Overall, everything is good.  It sounds so lame when I say it like that, but there is no better way to say it.  I used to be one of those teachers that would walk into the mail room and heave a deep sigh.  Now I am one of those teachers who walks into the mail room and lets out a deep contented breath with a smile on my lips.  It's such a different feeling.  It's such a good, lame feeling.


Thursday, August 30, 2012

Blessings

On my way home today, I was suddenly overwhelmed by how much God has blessed me this year.  And not just with the obvious things that I too often take for granted:

  • my wonderful husband
  • my supportive family
  • our beautiful house and puppy
  • two comfortable salaries
  • and an awesome church.
He's also blessed me with so many little things this year too.  Something I've been praying for a long time (as have my parents, ha) is that God would grant me

  • patience and humility.  
I really feel like He's been working in me a lot this year on those two fronts especially.  I feel much more likely to ask others about their day than to talk about my own and I am quicker to complement without thought of return.  I am getting better at receiving and reflecting upon criticism, something that has always been very difficult for me.  I also am amazed at my patience some days.  There is no way my behavior is naturally coming from me- it has to be coming from above... God is siphoning my anger in real time.  He's taking a turkey baster and sucking up the lava that used to boil up and pour out my ears, eyes and nose.  I marvel every day how good of a mood I am in after what a crazy class I just had!  I know I am one year older and wiser, but credit must go to God for this super power.  I with I could explain the sensation better, I don't feel I'm doing it justice.  Simply, God has blessed me with an abundance of humility and patience this year, and it is an answer to many years of prayer.

God has always and will continue to bless me with special people.  This is because he knows me better than I know myself and knows that I need "a someone"  In high school, I had an assortment of close friends, but Aaron, my current husband, was my "someone".  In college, it was my best friend, Julia, who was inserted into my life freshman year before orchestra auditions.  She was who I needed to keep me straight and she needed me in return, which, conveniently, was something I needed.  At my first school, it was Jonathan, an older, wiser musician.  He gave me Godly advice and encouragement when I was on the verge of quitting.  At my other school, it was Shelly, a part time teacher/coach who talked to me about her faith openly.  It made me feel so relieved and free to talk to someone about Jesus!  This year, my "someone" is Kristina, a lunch friend.  She is someone I can laugh and joke with.  We can talk about school, but we don't have to.  She introduced me to her friends, who are now my friends, and now I actually have friends.  I am especially grateful for this "someone" because at this point in my life, I very well could have gone on with out a "someone" at work.  As opposed to last year, my job is not overwhelming me and I would have been able to do it and go home and still had Aaron and my pooch.  But having friends makes me so much happier, and that is something God did not have to bless me with.  The fact that he cares about my happiness makes my heart overflow.

I just can't adequately express the abundance of ways I am blessed.  I could go on and on with all the little things, especially if I wanted to keep to a school theme (great facilities, talented coworkers, good students, etc...) but I won't, because I'm hungry, and I'd like to eat dinner.  But I will be thanking the Lord for more than my food tonight, and every other night for that matter.



Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Peaks and Valleys

This week has been full of peaks and valleys when it comes to school.  I'll start with the valleys because, well, I've always been a "bad-news-first" kinda gal.

Valley #1: On Monday, someone stole a big bag of Jolly Ranchers from my desk.  It was naive of me to leave them out, unlocked, but I didn't want to lock them up in my office because it makes randomly throwing a piece of hard candy at a kid's head so much harder when I have to trot to my office, unlock my drawer, trot back to my podium, then throw the candy.  The kid usually sees it coming.  I feel like surprise congratulatory candy is much more rewarding.  Or maybe it's just more fun to watch the kid's face as the candy is flying toward him and he has to decide, "do I drop my instrument and catch this candy or do I somehow catch it with my bow?  Or do I let it just hit my face like a total dweeb?"  I usually root for the latter...  Anyway, the theft happened some time during one of my 7th grade classes, so my 7th graders will no longer be getting pelted in the face by hard candy because one of them stole the entire $15 for himself, ruining it for everyone else.

Valley #2: I suck at teaching 8th grade.  It's true- I'm not looking for a sympathetic complement like, "oh, you are such a good teacher, they are lucky to have you!"  I find teaching 8th grade very challenging especially when the 8th graders are not your own kids, raised by you in 7th grade.  Both my 8th grade classes went really poorly last time and I left school feeling very frustrated.  They talk too much, they don't treat me or each other with respect, and they stink at playing their instruments.  We aren't at the level that we can make music, and that makes me frustrated. (*Disclaimer- this Valley turns into a Peak- keep reading!)

Valley #3: A seam in my black pants ripped.  (Commence walking tuba line for fat person...)  I do not want to fix it, I hate sewing.  I will probably continue to just wear a black tank top over the seam every time I wear these pants...

Valley #4: Quote from one of my homeroom students (not an orchestra kid) as she plodded into class "Here we go: worst part of the day.  It's like a prison in here..." Well, good morning to you too!  (To be fair, it is kind of like a prison in there...)

Now to the Peaks!

Peak #1: Today I had my best rehearsal yet with my 7th graders!  I may have set an "I mean business" tone when I started the class by telling them they're all a bunch of lying thieves (in so many words...), but regardless, the class went super well!  They were playing open strings with the bow like a bunch of champs!  They entered the room and started doing what they were supposed to do immediately.  I only had 3 or 4 stupid questions, as opposed to the usually 10-12.  They followed instructions, stayed on task, and were genuinely engaged in learning and getting better.  I love these days!

Peak #2: Because I suck at teaching 8th grade, I am learning and becoming a better teacher every day.  I decided that the reason I am frustrated with the 8th graders is because I'm treating them too much like high schoolers.  As soon as they accomplish the task or skill that I had planned, I move on to the next thing that needs fixed, instead of celebrating their accomplishment and letting them enjoy it.  I need to set smaller, achievable goals then dwell on them even after they accomplish them.  For example, my latest rant has been accidentals.  They struggled with F sharp and F natural and when to play each.  When the kids finally were able to recognize and identify when and how they should play accidentals, my reaction was "Phew, finally!  Ok, now let's put this into context!"  While I wish to eventually have them playing accidentals naturally (no pun intended) and apply them to their music, I've decided I need to give them more time to fully understand the concept and not harp (hehe, I don't even try!) on other things after they get it.  I am excited for next class now that I have this outlook...

Peak #3: The choir teacher complemented me today and it really made me feel good.  She said "I bragged about you to (the band teacher) the other day when I came into your class about that one boy who was on my schedule by accident.  You had those kids so quiet and respectful- I was blown away!" (Obviously my 7th grade, not my 8th grade...)  I told her thank you and that her comment meant a lot to me.  I don't like that I so desperately desire validation, but the fact is her complement made me feel better than a week of perfectly executed lesson plans ever would.

Peak #4: I judged chair tests at the high school and it was a lot of fun.  I felt very powerful (*evil laugh, muahahaha).  But it was also very interesting for me to be on the other side of things.  I always sat 1st chair in high school, so chair tests there weren't that big of a deal.  But I auditioned loads of times at All State Orchestra and college and summer camps, and I was always so nervous and wondered what the judges thought of me and how I compared to everyone else.  I hope the kids I listened to don't hate me because of my decisions though- that's always a fear.  I was pretty confident about what I heard and I think my scores lined up with what the high school director usually gave, so I imagine the kids won't be too surprised.  

Sometimes I feel like I might be bipolar- one minute I will want to rage at some poor little 12 year old:  "how could you possibly think that was a good idea?!?!" and the next I will feel like dancing like a dork to the stupid background music on the Essential Elements CD.  Before I see a specialist though, I'll dwell on the Peaks and try to work through the Valleys.


Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Game

If all I had to do was teach kids how to play string instruments and put on a few concerts each school year, I would consider myself to have one of the easiest jobs in the world.  I love teaching, I really do.  What I don't love are all the things they don't teach you in college.  Like the fact that education is not just teaching. It is a highly strategic Game in which The Rules are always changing.

The latest drama at work has been the passing of a new contract.  Being a relatively new teacher, this new contract doesn't really bother me.  At my old school, I never got a raise just for being there another year and I was evaluated by administrators all the time.  Sure, it was a little nerve-wracking when you were being observed, but I considered it part of the job.  I had just graduated college, during which I was evaluated on my teaching all the time.  Teachers who are in their 10th, 20th, 30th year of teaching simply balked at the idea of being given a grade on their performance.  Then on top of the evaluation aspect, we found out our pay raises were going to be based on obtaining a certain number of "units".  We can earn units by:

- Receiving a rating of "highly effective" on our evaluation (which is hard to do in all categories, especially if your particular administrator doesn't know you or like you)

- Serving community service hours within the school district (I think 15 hours = 1 unit)

- Having your Master's degree (gotta spend money to make money...?)

- Taking advantage of leadership opportunities (running a workshop, speaking at a conference, etc...)

- A few other ways that I don't remember.

In the end, the soonest anyone could possibly get a raise would be every 3 years, and that is only if he/she did everything right.  Again, I feel like this is still relatively fair.  The school district in which I teach is the highest paying district in the state, so my initial salary, without my orchestra stipends, is still more than most teachers would make after 6 years of teaching.  And it is certainly way more than I made at my other school.

The fact that earning units eventually gives  me a raise does not bother me very much.  I am fortunate enough to have a husband whose salary is much higher than mine, so our livelihood is pretty secure at this point.  I don't think I'm bad enough to get fired, and if I made exactly what I make right now for the rest of my life, we would still be OK.  What irks me is the fairness in all of this.  I don't understand why I can't just show up and do my job.  (Probably because too many teachers have abused the system and "showed up and did their job" poorly)

Let's look at Rule #1 in The Game: Receiving a "highly effective" rating on my evaluation.  Do I think this is impossible?  Yes.  Because I am not a highly effective teacher?  No, not necessarily.  I have the evaluation sheet and I know exactly on what I am being evaluated.  I know who is evaluating me (our principal) and when she is coming.  So why is it impossible for me to get a "highly effective"?  I think back to Driver's Ed when I was given a B+ because "I don't give A's to students so young"; I can't imagine my principal, who barely knows me, doesn't know anything about orchestra or how to teach music or a performing ensemble, doesn't give a crap that I have a conducting minor (what is conducting?) will give me a rating of "highly effective" even if I do everything right.  It's just not going to happen.

Rule #2 in The Game: Serving community service hours within the school district. My after school hours are spent mostly with music students and at colleagues concerts, fulfilling my duties as an orchestra teacher, which I am given a stipend for.  So I can't really count these hours as community service.  I signed up to sell tickets for 3 sporting events this year.  That will count for 6 hours at the most.  Where are the other 11 going to come from?  I'm sure I could find something to do for 11 more hours to fill this criteria, but for Heaven's sake, don't we work hard enough?  Aren't I giving back enough by working my hardest every day in the classroom?  Nope, evidently not.

Rule #3 in The Game:  Having your Master's degree.  My friends who finished their Masters' recently said it was going to take them 7 years to pay it off.  That is with a salary of 10 + years experience (I am at 0 years).  And with the new contract, you are no longer allowed to make a parallel move on the pay scale.  (Bachelor's 7 yrs experience to Master's 7 yrs experience)  Now you have to go from Bachelor's 7 yrs experience to Master's 0 years experience, which is hardly a raise at all!  And money aside, when do I have the time to take online classes while I'm working to earn a "highly effective" and serving community service hours?

Rule #4 in The Game: Taking advantage of leadership opportunities.  I am 25 years old.  Who is going to come to a conference and listen to a 25 year old talk about education?  I actually had a good idea about starting a club for teachers at my school, but I'm really afraid to bring it up because I'm brand new at the school.  There are rules to be followed when it comes to taking leadership roles as a young person.  These rules get in the way of the Rules of The Game.

On top of all these Rules, there are millions of other tiny rules to follow.  There are people you don't mess with, there are people you can only ask certain questions, there are people you have to make feel important or else they will squash you, there are people who you can't talk to unless you first talk to other people.  Teachers, administrators, department heads, secretaries, custodians: they all play a certain position and I have to learn how to navigate around them while still following The Rules of The Game.

All I have to worry about is my own Game: helping kids learn to love music by playing an instrument.  As long as they allow me to keep doing this, I can try to let The Rules go.




Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Lunch Room

When I was a kid, I thought of teachers as authority figures who assigned me work to do.  I never thought they lived at school or anything; I knew they had a home and a family.  But I didn't really think about them being friends and eating lunch together and talking about me and my classmates to each other.  I wasn't aware that Mr. Zeck could tell Mrs. Johnson that I copped an attitude when he told me I was going to lose points on my homework for not cutting off the fluffy sides of my notebook paper before turning it in. I'm not sure if I would have acted any differently to certain teachers in order to win favor with others, but I may not have appreciated my attitude being a topic of discussion among them.

As a teacher, I'm not a saint or anything- I do talk about students to other teachers.  I try not to say negative things and I try to stay away from the gossipy topics like "Tommy's mom is a crack addict and I heard he's living in a shelter with his two younger siblings" (although, sadly, this is a reality with some of my students).  What I really wish is that we teachers could carry on a conversation without having to talk about our students.  It is sad how much of the lunchroom conversation is centered around our students.  Shouldn't we savor these precious few minutes during which we are not responsible for children?

In addition to the lack of non-school-related lunchroom conversation, I've also found that teachers are very clique-y.  The first school I taught at was very small and all the staff knew each other and went out for drinks after school together.  Even though we developed a really close bond, we were always open and welcoming to new teachers.  We'd all been there- it's hard to make friends, even, or maybe especially, as an adult!  This year, at my new school, the teachers are divided into teams.  I'm not a part of a team because I'm an elective teacher, and all the other elective teachers eat at their desks so as not to lose precious prep time.  But being the self-professed outgoing, social butterfly I am, I decided to eat lunch in the staff room so I could meet new people.  My first two days were really depressing.  The teachers I ate with were not welcoming and didn't involve me in conversation.  They even went as far as to turn their backs to me so I was physically cut-off from the rest of the table!  My third day I ate in my room because I couldn't take it another day.  I tried a different lunch shift the next day and it went much better.  This team was much more welcoming and willing to include an outsider in their lunch conversation, which included much less student/school chat.  I was so relieved!  I learned 3 new names and enjoyed the loud chatter and laughter that surrounded, and included, me.

What this lunch room experience has taught me:

1. Teachers are not as friendly as they seem
2. Teachers struggle to be social, so they latch on to the only common ground they think they have- their students
3. Don't give up trying to make friends- some teachers are nicer than others

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

First Day of School

I've never considered myself a blogger-type.  I can't even upkeep a journal.  But I must document this incredible journey I am on. (Damn it, ended a sentence with a preposition already- I'll never be a writer, oh well...)

I was reading over my student teaching journal (no, not an emotionally-driven diary created from my need to express my thoughts, but an assignment for school) and it brought back so many memories about my time there.  I was truly glad that I was forced to document it, because I know I wouldn't have recalled much of what I wrote without the help of "Journal Entry #1, #2, #3, etc...)  So, I figure many years from now, or maybe just three years from now, because that is how long it has been since I wrote "Journal Entry #7", I will appreciate the fact that I am documenting my experiences.

I have to shout out to my sister, who has been writing a very successful blog for about a year now.  I know I'll never write as elegantly and she does, nor will I be able to express myself within a theme.  But hey, I went to school for music, not writing, so give me a freakin' break, ok?  Oh, no one cares? Never-mind.  I mean, but hey, this is just for me, right?

Today I got to experience what a 38-member 7th grade beginning orchestra class was like.  If you haven't had that chance, you really should avoid it.  I've taught elementary general music (barf) and high school choir, orchestra, and jazz band (meh, yay, and barf) and now I have landed my "dream job" at a high-paying, inner city middle school where I get my own room, a small but do-able budget, and a team of intelligent music colleagues with which to work (see how I avoided the preposition-ending there?).  Unfortunately, I'm moving from the high school level down to the middle school level and I need to come to terms with the fact that my kids are acne-covered, hormonally-charged adolescents who need their hand held through every minor life decision.

"can i take my jacket off?" yes
"my tuner isn't working" it's not turned on
"i left my shoulder sponge in my locker" ok, not a question
"should i get my instrument?" read the board
"i don't have a pencil" again, not a question

It is my goal to turn these energy-sucking, teet-suckling monsters into functioning mini-adults as quickly as possible.  Because, isn't that what education is all about?  But seriously, self-sufficiency is too low a priority in school nowadays. I'll sign off with this musing (or "music-ing" if you will... heh heh, sorry can't help it, it's in my blood...): Instead of holding a child's hand when they're scared or helping them up when they fall, what if we just watched and waited to see what they did?  Would they really spiral into drugs, depression, and failure in life?  Or would they dust themselves off, move on, and be able to answer the question "i don't have a pencil" ?