Old Lane's Eye

I can't speak for all teachers, but as a teacher I don't think of a year as January through December, I think of it as August through May/June.  So when I look back at 2012, it's weird that I was in such a different place in January.  I wasn't even thinking about leaving my current school to teach elsewhere, in fact I was planning out my schedule for "next year" and making sure I archived every homework assignment, test, or quiz that I created so I'd have it to use again: no fuss, no muss.  In January I was prepping a hundred ill-prepared voice students to sing solos and ensembles at ISSMA, I was still teaching about 15 private students after school, and I was still playing in Carmel Symphony full time.  Then everything changed in May and a new chapter of my life began.  I have had a wonderful year- I can't really think of any low-lights except having to say goodbye to all of my friends and colleagues at my last school, and that was all for the best.  Here are some highlights from this year, in no particular order:

• I take orchestra to organizational ISSMA for the first time and got a Gold with distinction
• The Super Bowl is held in Indianapolis 
• I am hired at a school at which I truly wanted to work 
• I get my first significant pay raise
• I celebrate my 2-year wedding anniversary with my best friend
• I make fudge for the first time and it turns out great
• I plant a garden on the side of the house
• I get a smart phone
• I take a group of students to All Region Orchestra for the first time
• I start blogging
• I teach my own class of beginning strings for the first time
• I am hired as a wedding manager for the first time
• Glenda Ritz is elected Superintendent of Schools in Indiana, thus giving Tony Bennett the boot
• IU basketball finishes the best season they've had in years and starts the next season ranked #1
• The Colts get Andrew Luck as their new quarter back 
• I turn 25 and my dad turns 50 (yikes!)
• Aaron builds a stone patio with a fire pit off the back of the house
• Aaron puts in hardwood floors
• I lose 40 lbs
• We get closer to our small group and study the New Testament every Monday night
• Our puppy, Shelby, turns 1 year old- 7 in dog years

Every Christmas I watch It's A Wonderful Life.  This year our whole family watched it on Christmas Eve.  I find it fascinating that I can have watched this movie over 50 times yet I'm captivated each viewing.  I can quote pretty much the whole movie line by line, except some of the lines are in my head as I learned them when I was ten.  For an embarrassingly long time I thought "Auld Lang Syne" was "Old Lane's Eye" and I didn't understand that the strings around Uncle Billy's fingers were supposed to serve as reminders for things- I thought it was just something cooky that old Uncle Billy did.  I understood the moral of the story; Clarence did an excellent job at illustrating how much George effected everyone's lives in Bedford Falls.  But I thought when Harry referred to George as "the richest man in town" it was because everyone had just given him all their money.  I've always had a secret fantasy of Clarence coming to show me what life would be like if I weren't born, but then I have a fear that nothing would be different and he would be like, "What was the point of this again?  I got some Tom Sawyer to read..."  I've never been a New Year's Resolution kind of person, but this year I am definitely going to continue working on putting others needs first.  Maybe then everyone will give me all their money and I'll be the richest woman in town...

For Old Lane's eye, my dear

for Old Lane's eye

We'll take of cup of time uh yep

for Old Lane's eye

Feedback

Holiday concert update:

Pros:

1. It's over
2. Every single member of my music department was there and played a significant role
3. My principal was there and raved about it's success on the next morning's announcements
4. I had only 4 kids out of 115 not participate. 2 actually showed up- 1 was out of uniform so he wasn't allowed on stage, 1 was without a cello so he wasn't allowed on stage. 1 girl told me ahead of time, albeit earlier that day, that she wouldn't be there because her family didn't celebrate Christmas and her dad wouldn't let her perform (couldn't tell me that ahead of time???) So only 1 no-show without notice.
5. We performed a full orchestra piece in the 8th grade and it sounded good
6. The Honor's Orchestra learned their carols well and played in the lobby
7. Nothing fell apart, musically speaking (a cello did fall apart, see Cons)
8. I had 3 wonderful high school students come help tune and direct kids- I brought them baked goods the next day.
9. No one died
10. Everyone got picked up on time

Cons:

1. I'm exhausted but can't sleep
2. My principal had to pull some students out of the audience for talking during the 8th grade performances
3. The big combined 7th/8th grade number that we rehearsed really well and that sounded great earlier in the day was really bad- almost the entire back of the orchestra was off by a measure or maybe 2, who knows?
4. Unenthusiastic crowd- makes it seem like nothing sounded good or maybe just not as good as they were expecting?
5. My 7th grade was not good
6. My Honor's Orchestra did really well given they could barely hold their piece together a week before the concert, but they didn't sound great which isn't great advertising for Honor's Orchestra
7. My kids don't practice and they're lazy
8. My kids don't respect their instruments- I returned to my cello rack to find over half the bows still tight, the instruments put back all crooked an every which way, and one cello missing a bridge with a big fat gouge under the tailpiece.
9. There was music left all over the stage that we, the staff, had to clean up
10. There were two basses and 3 bows left on stage
11. No parents approached me and said "Great concert" or anything
12. My kids said I talked too much and their parents said I talked too much.  I didn't talk too much!  I hardly talked at all!

I need some honest feedback!  (Do I?)  I do!  It is making me crazy- I know what my kids and I went through to get to the concert and what we learned and what we will do better next time.  I heard the recording.  But I just haven't heard a musician-outsider's thorough opinion!  It's frustrating because when no one goes into detail about my performances, it makes me paranoid that they just don't want to say anything negative.  Like, so far all anyone has said is, "It was good!  You know, there were some rough spots, but over all it was pretty good."  That is not feedback, people!  I need details!  What was good?  What was rough?  What about it was good, what about it was rough?  The most annoying part about all of this is that I know the answer to these questions and can go into great detail and explanation about them.  I just want someone to talk to me about it, but no one will.  And frankly I don't have many people whose opinions I trust enough to truly discuss with my concert in depth.  And since I already know how the concert went and since everyone I've asked has already told me how things sounded, why do I still need feedback?  Is it feedback or validation that I need?  I don't even know.  I'm so tired...

I just know my friends and family are going to roll their eyes at me and tell me to calm down, I'm being high maintenance and caring about the wrong things.  I know I know I know- didn't you all hear me say I know?  I'm a crazy person.  But you know out of all the space in my brain that is being taken by thinking about this concert, 90% of the space is occupied by items in the Cons list and the tiny 10% of Pros are smushed to the back of my brain, rendered unimportant because no one has told them to me over and over and over...  Seriously, what is up with  my need for validation?  I'm so tired...

Social Symphony

Last weekend I returned to play in the local symphony for the Holiday (CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS) concert.  I hadn't performed with the group since the summer because since I started my new job, I've had conflicts with every concert and/or dress rehearsal until now.  I didn't realize how much I missed it until I showed up at the first rehearsal and all my colleagues greeted me with surprised, genuine smiles and comments like, "You're back!" and "Well look what the cat dragged in..." and "We missed you!" and "I almost didn't recognize you with your hair down!"  I call my fellow musicians "colleagues" not "friends" because, well, they're not my friends, but they greeted me like the Prodigal's Son.  They made me feel like family and I interacted with them as if we had recently met for lunch and had long, meaningful conversations. We caught each other up on our lives during each 15 minute rehearsal break with quick sentences centered around jobs, family, and, well, that's it.  Each conversation took approximately 30 seconds.  It was weird though because each interaction with my musician colleagues wasn't forced or uncomfortable; I didn't feel the need to invent an exit strategy from the conversation ("OMG, is that Josh Bell?") and I didn't have to talk about the rehearsal ("So he is taking that blahblah piece is so fast! I'm pretty much faking, like, half the notes, you know?") or how tired I was ("Wow, I need some caffeine-these are late nights...") although all of these quotes were actually spoken at some point in time, minus the Josh Bell one.  The atmosphere was just so familiar and comfortable.  It was cozy, warm and friendly, like being wrapped up in a blanket of slightly awkward complements mixed with the one-armed hugs and jaw kisses of non-friends who are truly happy to see you.  

I think the relationship between my description of these symphony rehearsals and my description of my feelings toward said rehearsals is, if you think about it, an accurate depiction of my personality and outlook in life.  I am social, I care about people more than experiences, I enjoy being surrounded by people regardless of their level of love for me or I for them, I like to laugh and joke and smile even if the topic of conversation is not particularly funny, I liked to be noticed, I enjoy hugging and kissing strangers, I rate how good or bad my day was on how many people I made laugh, I take pleasure in external validation, whether it be about my musicianship, appearance or intelligence, I would rather have a 30 second conversation about nothing than quietly stand in like for the toilet, and I would rather have a job where I am bombarded with kids and other teachers every second of the day than have a job practicing and performing on the most beautiful musical instrument in the world (don't even fight me on this one, you know it's true.)  It's never been a secret: I am a teacher first, cellist second.  I've always hated practicing- bleh!  Boring!  I'm all alone?  For more than an hour?  And I have to do the same thing over and over?  Gross.  You mean there is a career in which I can boss other people around and they have to do what I say?  Sign me up!  

That said, there could not be another group of people with which I have this awkward yet comfortable, unconditionally friendly yet non-friend relationship.  Is it the music that brings us together and forms that special bond or is the people that make the music so special in the first place?  I don't really know and I don't really care.  What I do know is this: in my opinion, the bonds formed while performing with an orchestra far outweigh the notes and rhythms- this I must remember when I teach.

Holiday Hoedown

It is nearing that time again when I become a crazed lunatic whose patience is little and temper is hot.  I've had a count down on my board of how many rehearsals left until our holiday concert since there were 15 rehearsals.  We have reached the 4 rehearsals mark.  I will announce the "Don't piss me off" disclaimer on Monday.

I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew for this one- at least that's what the panicked part of me thinks.  The logical side of me is all like, "Dude, chill out, it's middle school orchestra..."  Just last rehearsal I did something stupid.  Like, really stupid.  Ugh, why did I do it?  So my 7th grade is playing "Angels we have heard on High" (spelled 'Angles we have heard on High' on many of their parts because I had a student make copies and she cut off the title and wrote it in that way...) and also "Holiday Waltz," which is a combined piece with the 8th grade.  Then they are playing "Jingle Bells" flash mob style during one of our many stage transitions.  They're going to be out in the audience and pop up to play the song by memory- it'll either be really awesome or really sloppy, but cute either way so who cares?  But they were only going to be on stage by themselves for one piece and I felt bad for all the parents who came to see their kid perform and they only play for 1 minute and 30 seconds?  Plus another 2 minutes with the 8th grade?  So the very, very, stupid thing I did at the 5 rehearsal mark was add five pieces- one piece per section (easy 2-part stuff for soli violins, violas, cellos, and basses) and another large group piece called "Christmas Sampler."  I decided if they weren't able to play everything I handed them semi-decently by the end of the block, we'd scrap the idea.  It was risky because either way we're losing a rehearsal close to show time.  But those little nuggets pulled it off with style.  God love 'em, why couldn't they have just bombed and made it clear to me that I should just have stuck with Plan A?

The 8th grade is playing "Holiday Hoedown", a hilarious piece that cracks me up every time we rehearse it.  It mixes like 50 Christmas carols with a bunch of fiddle tunes 2 bars at a time.  Freakin' hilarious!  They don't get it.  "See?" I'll say, "It's funny!"
"I think only composers think it's funny."
"No, musicians think it's funny."  Awwww burn!  Anyway, they're playing that and then "Holiday Waltz" with the 7th grade.  Then the other stupid thing I took on for this concert was a full orchestra piece.  It's called "All is Calm," an arrangement of "Silent Night," and it is really gorgeous when it's played together and in tune and with all the right parts...  I've had 2 really quick rehearsals with some of the strings and some of the winds that went relatively well, but I sincerely don't think we'll have everyone play at the same time until the night of the concert, which is scary.  It's just so hard to get kids to attend extra rehearsals all at once, especially when they're band kids who are playing for free, so to speak.  Though, I have been pleasantly surprised with how well the wind players are doing.  They are all really sweet kids and they play with great tone quality and respond well to my conducting and direction.  But like I said, we've yet to rehearse with all the parts, so if we pull this off it will be a miracle.

In addition to a combined 7th/8th grade piece and a full orchestra piece, I also have the new Honor's Orchestra performing.  They are playing "Dona Nobis Pacem," which is the first piece they've played that is in the key of A major (G#'s are a bitch...) and it's slow and requires a lot of bow control.  It's going well, but we haven't consistently played it through without someone dropping a beat and getting off. Plus this orchestra meets from 7:30 to 8:30 Monday and Wednesday mornings and inevitably at least 2 or 3 members will be missing from the 13 member group.  These guys are also playing "Kwanzaa Celebration" (yay for diversity!), a piece with some African drums- it'll be a crowd-pleaser I think.  In addition to the two pieces on stage, I've also planned for them to play carols in the lobby while people enter.  I bought some books that should be easy to sight read and provide plenty of variety, however the books did not get delivered until after class on Friday, which means none of my Honor's Orchestra kids have seen the music yet.  And we still have the other pieces to perfect and those 18 Christmas carols need to be learned and able to be played without me all in four 7:30-8:30 AM rehearsals.  Yikes.

So in conclusion, here is what our Orchestra Holiday Concert looks like:

6:40-7:00 Honor's Orchestra Carols in the Lobby
7:00 7th grade Orchestra, Angles we have heard on High; 4 section pieces; Christmas Sampler
7:15 7th/8th grade Orchestras Holiday Waltz
7:20 Honor's Orchestra: Dona Nobis Pacem; Kwanzaa Celebration
7:25 Flash mob 7th grade Jingle Bells
7:30 8th grade Holiday Hoedown
7:35 Junior Symphonic Orchestra All is Calm
7:45 Pack up and go home

We work like slaves for 9 weeks to perform for 45 minutes. It makes me feel depressed.  And panicked.  Did I mention panicked?